knitting on the dock of the bay

i would rather be here (on my sad little crumbling dock at our cabin) doing this (knitting) than anywhere else on earth. this was one of those days i will carry in my heart forever. it was sunny on the bay, and shirt sleeves warm. there was the nicest slight breeze that kept the loathsome flesh eating no-see-ums away. i hadn't yet started work at alpenview, so my time was my own. really really my own because my husband and son had returned to town the day before, and i was all by myself for the first time in a very long time. didn't have to stop and make a meal or find a hammer for someone. didn't have to start the generator or put gas in a 4 wheeler or listen to classic rock (thank you sweet clouds in the sky.) it was bliss. i spent the whole day on that dock knitting, reading, watching jellyfish float by. not a sound except for the gulls and the water slapping on the beach. it was bliss. it smelled warm and green and sea-weedy.

it was this moment in time that i kept with me during the past week. i had jury duty all last week. i've served on a jury one other time, years ago. it wasn't a messy trial or anything horrid. it was pretty cut & dry. the biggest thing i remember about it was that i had a 4 week old baby girl jury duty was keeping me from, and that enraged me. it messed up our schedules, our feedings, our everythings. but we made it through.

this was not one of those trials. we had to sit and listen to icky details. we had to relive lots of angry emotions. we had to quietly observe lawyers guiding and picking and wheedling. the entire situation left me feeling nauseous and unclean and unsettled. it wasn't black and white, and i resented being put in the position of having to make such a monumental decision about another beings' life. i don't think any of us felt like we left the jury box as better people for having fulfilled our civic duty.

i kept my day on the dock in my heart all week long.

i love my country, i understand the importance of our judicial system and all it entails.

but i really hope i never have to go through that again.

i am looking forward to tomorrow, monday, and a clean, creative week!